Welcome to Your Achievement Ezine
Issue 330 - September 26, 2007
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"Alone we can do so little; together we can do
so much." Helen Keller
Today's issue includes:
1. Your Achievement Article - How to Communicate After a Fight - Six Easy Steps to Recover Relationship Harmony! by John Gray
2. Your Achievement Quotes - Ignorance, Imagination and Influence/Association
3. Your Achievement Tips - Life Would Be Easy... If It Weren't for DIFFICULT People by Connie Podesta
4. YSS DVD/CD Inventory Reduction Sale!
5. More Information
1. Your Achievement Article
How to Communicate After a Fight - Six Easy Steps to Recover Relationship Harmony! by John Gray
Wouldn't it be great if your love relationship could be a bed of roses all the time? Imagine being magically transported to a land of brilliant sunrises and sunsets where there were no misunderstandings or hurt feelings, no sideways glares, no slammed doors, and no arguing. As much as any couple may avoid fighting, the truth is, one minute you may feel great passion, and the next you're contemplating divorce!
Too many times we justify this shift in attitude by thinking that our partner's behavior needs an overhaul. Funny thing though, it's usually not about them! So what's next? How can couples open the communication again and put an argument behind them?
Read on as we take a look at the six steps to leaving a fight in the dust and getting back on the road to lasting romance.
1. Take the Edge Off - Get a Little Space
The best way to stop an argument is to nip it in the bud. Men, in particular, need to cool off and think things through. Women need to make sure that they are not bringing a 'cold-front' to the negotiating table. This is a good time to reflect on how you usually approach your partner. Take a step back and think about how much you love this person. Also, focus on your own needs and take some self-healing time.
2. Ease Into It After Some Downtime
Approach each other slowly and softly after some downtime. Wait until you can feel positively about your partner and the relationship, as it's impossible to work things out when negative emotions are still on the surface. If your anger, hurt or frustration is still overwhelming, take it as a sign that you are not ready to jump into solution making. It's too easy to blow things out of proportion unless you take a step back and ease in to the resolution slowly.
3. Nothing Too Serious
After some time has passed, come back and talk again, but in a loving and respectful way. Fueling the argument is not your goal. Take it easy, and keep the conversation light, because even though some time has passed, you still may not be able to be objective right away. Simple gestures like a smile, holding hands or getting your partner to laugh at something silly and unrelated to the situation can be good icebreakers.
4. Women Need to Talk
Women often need to completely talk the problem through before they are able to stand aside and put it behind them. Men can mistakenly feel blamed and attacked when a woman works through her problems by talking, so it's a good idea for her to reassure him. By letting him know how much he is supporting her by listening, she will free him from feeling unappreciated or attacked as she rehashes the details of the upset.
5. Men Need to Be Forgiven
After a big blow-up, men simply need to be told that they are forgiven. The four magic words to support a man in getting over hurt or angry feelings are, "it's not your fault." A man hates to feel criticized, or that his partner disapproves of him. When a woman forgives her partner for his mistakes, she not only frees him to love again but also gives herself permission to forgive her own imperfections.
6. Both Parties Need to Take Personal Responsibility
Couples can't point fingers after an argument and expect things to get better. Both men and women have to acknowledge their own shortcomings and take responsibility in order to move on and improve communication. Men have to let go of being righteous, demanding and overly sensitive, while women have an opportunity to apply new and improved relationship skills to assure him that he is appreciated and that she does not blame him for the fight.
Learning to communicate with each other through stormy times is essential to the success of a long-lasting relationship. While the best advice we have for couples is to avoid arguments, the stresses of ordinary life can get in the way of even the happiest Martian and Venusian collaboration. Again, forgiveness really is key for both sides. None of us will ever find a mate who is perfect all of the time; however, we can be the best for the one who is most perfect for us.
To order John's new release, John Gray Live! Beyond Mars and Venus as an Individual Set (contains one DVD and one CD of the speakers' 'live' performance) at a special discount or to view and learn more about our over 43 titles priced as low as $9.97 per set of DVD/CDs go to
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"You cannot succeed by yourself. It's
hard to find a rich hermit."
Jim Rohn
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"A team is a group of people who may
not be equal in experience, talent, or education but in commitment." Patricia Fripp
2. Your Achievement Quotes
IGNORANCE
"The truest characters of ignorance are vanity, and pride and arrogance." -- Samuel Butler
"Where ignorance is our master, there is no possibility of real peace." -- Dalai Lama
"If I don't have wisdom, I can teach you only ignorance." -- Leo F. Buscaqlia
"The most violent element in society is ignorance." -- Emma Goldman
IMAGINATION
"What the imagination seizes as beauty must be truth." -- John Keats
"Imagination is the air of mind." -- Philip James Bailey
"The imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates." -- Oscar Wilde
"Imagination is the highest kite one can fly." -- Lauren Bacall
INFLUENCE/ASSOCIATION
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but they will never forget how ‘You´ made them Feel" -- Maya Angelou
"A teacher affects eternity, he can never tell, where his influence stops." -- Henry Brooks Adams
"The truly successful person inspires others to do more than they have thought possible for themselves." -- Denis Waitley
"The people who influence you are the people who believe in you." -- Henry Drummond
"You don't get harmony when everybody
sings the same note." Doug Floyd
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"Light is the task where many share the
toil." Homer
3. Your Achievement Tips
Life Would Be Easy... If It Weren't for DIFFICULT People by Connie Podesta
Go on, it's okay. Admit it! We all know that life would be a whole lot easier if we didn't have to deal with those few (or many) difficult people we just can't seem to avoid. I think you know who I'm talking about.
What's not okay is to give up something you need, want or deserve because of their rude, obnoxious, sullen, and apathetic habits. Yes, I do mean "habits". If you're tired of playing their game, take charge of your life by taking a good look at yourself! You can not change them, but you can change what you do and how you act around them - and ultimately how they affect your life.
The Good News... and the Bad News
Difficult people have been trained and taught to act the way they do since they were children. In fact, they have been rewarded for their negative behavior throughout their entire lives. Difficult behavior worked for them as children - and more important, it continues to work for them as adults.
I believe that most of us are born with the capacity and desire to love and be loved. As we grow, we learn to respond to verbal and visual cues and we begin to adjust our behavior to obtain the positive responses we want. Children who can manipulate their parents soon learn to enjoy feelings of power and control over others.
The game of life is basically about "getting our needs met." And you certainly do play a part! We reward difficult people by giving in to their needs. Think about it. If someone's behavior is consistently inappropriate or unacceptable toward you, ask yourself if in any way you are rewarding their negative behavior.
For example, Helen gets upset every time Harry mentions that he wants to play golf. Rather than face a 2-hour lecture he usually finds it easier to just stay home. One day, however, he gets angry and accuses her of being a nag who never understands him. Instead of answering back, Helen gets her feelings hurt, stomps off and gives him the silent treatment. Harry takes advantage of her "cold shoulder" and plays a few holes of golf!
Jennifer wins the same "reward" at her new school. Few of the kids would talk to her and some were even making fun of her. She asked to stay in during recess, but the teacher said no. Eventually she gets into a fight and pushes another girl down. The teacher tells Jennifer that fighting is against the rules and she will have to stay inside. What did Jennifer learn? Ask the teacher respectfully and you will not get what you want. Push someone and you can avoid recess!
We have three choices each time we respond to another person: 1. Be positive; 2. Be negative; and 3. Avoid or ignore them. Difficult people see avoidance as a positive response. When we ignore unacceptable, inappropriate behavior, it will usually happen again because our avoidance tells the difficult person that we are willing to accept their behavior.
What do they really want?
Difficult people want to do their own thing, in their own time, in their own way, without interference. In addition, they expect everyone around them to cooperate - even work extra hard - to ensure that this happens. And they do not see anything unreasonable about these expectations. There is little in their experience to signal them that their actions are inappropriate. They also have little (if any) desire or motivation to change their habits.
What can I do about it?
We learn a lot from difficult people. We tolerate their behavior and attitudes as "part of life." We hold back our feelings and swallow our words. We make concessions even when we do not receive anything in return. We compromise even when it is 90/10 instead of 50/50. We may even question our own ability to relate and communicate with others reasoning that "Maybe it's me."
Since we cannot change difficult people, we can only change our selves and our reactions to their behavior. They need our cooperation and our permission to intimidate, control and repeatedly manipulate us to get their way. In most relationships, we are treated exactly the way we allow ourselves to be treated.
The good news is that because we are partly responsible there is something we can do to create and maintain relationships where we are treated respectfully. That's great news! By focusing on our selves and the changes we can make in our own behaviors and reactions, we can begin to take control of how other people treat us - today!
Take Action!
Think about two difficult people in your life.
Identify the behaviors of these difficult people.
Ask yourself if you could possibly be rewarding these difficult people.
Would they describe you as the difficult person? If so, what would they say?
Connie Podesta
To order Connie Podesta's "Life Would Be Easy, If It Weren't for Other People" as an Individual Set (contains one DVD and one CD of the speaker´s 'live' performance) at a special discount or to view and learn more about our over 43 titles priced as low as $9.97 per set of DVD/CDs go to
http://special2.yoursuccessstore.com to view all the titles and special pricing.
We do have limited quantities of many of these titles, once they are sold out they are gone (no back orders). Make sure and order today while supplies last.
http://special2.yoursuccessstore.com
"Never doubt that a small group of
concerned citizens can change the world, indeed it's the only thing that
has." Margaret Mead
4. YSS DVD/CD Inventory Reduction Sale!
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To Your Success,
Kyle Wilson
President
YourSuccessStore.com
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"Few will have the greatness to bend
history, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in
the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation." Robert F. Kennedy
5. More Information
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"Dependent people need others to get what
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efforts. Interdependent people combine their own efforts with the efforts of
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