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Welcome to Your Achievement Ezine
Issue 260 - May 18, 2006

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Taking Time for Yourself in a Relationship by John Gray

We have all heard this advice before. No matter how wonderful togetherness feels in a relationship, it is still crucial for partners to take time for themselves. There is simply no way that a man or a woman can fulfill all of their partner's needs; it's just impossible to do. Too often people will give up a favorite hobby, sport or pastime in the beginning of a relationship in order to devote more time and energy to making the relationship work. But, what happens down the road when one or both partners realize that they are terribly out of balance and not taking time for themselves? Relationship stress, miscommunication, or worse: resentment and emotional pain can result.

It is healthy to have different interests. In fact, giving up our own interests and the little things that we do to nurture ourselves when a relationship starts will eventually lead to resentment down the road.

It's important for both partners to value quality relaxation time. There is absolutely no need to feel guilty about spending time alone. Independence is good for both men and women, no matter how close they may be in the relationship. Typically, when one partner actively takes some alone time, their partner is encouraged to do the same.

How our differences compliment each other:
Just as men and women have different needs in a relationship, they also have different reasons for needing time to themselves. Too much togetherness usually results in partners expecting too much from each other. Women may tend to smother their mates, while men may seem cold and uncaring. It is healthy for each partner to take time out to explore his or her individual interests.

What Men Need:
Men need to periodically pull away. Remember that men are like rubber bands. It is his natural cycle to get close, pull away, and get close again. It is important for men to fulfill their need for independence. Men automatically alternate between needing intimacy and autonomy. Give a man his space and he will be a better, more attentive, partner. When a man gets too close and doesn't pull away, he often experiences increased moodiness, irritability, passivity, and defensiveness.

Also, when a man is in his cave, he wants to be left alone. He is working out his problems and frustrations by either doing something alone, like reading the paper or watching TV, or doing something active with his male friends.

Most men are happy when their mates do something fun for themselves at these times. It means that she is not sitting around waiting for him to come out of the cave. He will come out ready to talk and be intimate again, and she will have curbed her frustrations by being good to herself and having some fun.

What Women Need:
It is good for a woman's self esteem to take care of herself. She can get wrapped up in taking care of her family and forget how much she needs to nurture herself. Particularly when a man is off in his cave, she can enjoy the time alone to go shopping, work in her garden, go to a class at the gym, or simply languish in the simple pleasure of soaking in a hot bath with a glass of wine.

It is especially important for a woman to cultivate relationships with other women. Women need to talk about what's happening in their lives. On Venus, this is an important part of relationship building. Since this is not the case on Mars, it is wonderful for a woman to get together with her girlfriends so that they can talk about, and listen to, each other's problems, without judgment or offering unsolicited advice.

Couples can even plan these separate times apart. For instance, Tuesday could be his poker night with the boys, and Thursday her night for dinner and a movie with her girlfriends. Both partners will not only appreciate the time to do the things that make them feel good, but will come back feeling renewed and excited to be in such a healthy, well-balanced relationship.

-- John Gray



John Gray is the author of 15 best-selling books, including Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, the number one best-selling relationship book of the last decade. In the past ten years, over 30 million Mars and Venus books have been sold in over 40 languages throughout the world. An expert in the field of communication, John Gray's focus is to help men and women understand, respect and appreciate their differences in both personal and professional relationships. To order John's new release, John Gray Live! Beyond Mars and Venus as an Individual Set (contains one DVD and one CD of the speakers' 'live' performance) at a special discount or to view and learn more about The Complete Ultimate Collection for Entrepreneurs and Sales Professionals -- including Jim Rohn, Jeffrey Gitomer, Brian Tracy, Connie Podesta and More! (10 DVD/CD package) go to http://dvdset.yoursuccessstore.com or call 877-929-0439. (c) 2006 All Rights Reserved.



 

"Happiness comes when you believe in what you are doing, know what you are doing, and love what you are doing." Brian Tracy

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2. Your Achievement Quotes

SLIGHT EDGE

"There is no sudden leap to greatness. Your success lies in doing, day by day. Your upward reach comes from working well and carefully." -- Max Steingart

"We've all heard the expression, 'An apple a day keeps the doctor away.' Well, I've got a good question for you: What if it's true? Wouldn't that be easy to do – to eat an apple a day? Here's the problem: It's also easy not to do." -- Jim Rohn

"Those people who develop the ability to continuously acquire new and better forms of knowledge that they can apply to their work and to their lives will be the movers and shakers in our society for the indefinite future." -- Brian Tracy

"Where many people go wrong in trying to reach their goals is in constantly looking for the big hit, the home run, the magic answer that suddenly transforms their dreams into reality. The problem is that the big hit never comes without a great deal of little hits first. Success in most things comes not from some gigantic stroke of fate, but from simple, incremental progress." -- Andrew Wood
 

SOWING AND REAPING/LAW OF RECIPROCITY

"If all you do is all you're doing, all you'll get is all you're getting." -- Brian Tracy

"If you add value out, you'll bring value in." -- Jeffrey Gitomer

"Working hard is the foundation for any success in life... but many people have what I call the 'Reverse Disease'...they see 'working hard' as 'hardly working'... and expect the same results.... yeah right." -- Doug Firebaugh

"An idealist believes the short run doesn't count. A cynic believes the long run doesn't matter. A realist believes that what is done or left undone in the short run determines the long run." -- Syndey J. Harris
 

STEWARDSHIP

"I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do." -- Helen Keller

"Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best." -- Henry Van Dyke

"How much should you earn? As much as you possibly can. It doesn't matter whether you earn $10,000 a year or $100,000 a year as long as you've done the best you can." -- Jim Rohn

"I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow." -- Woodrow Wilson
 

"Did you ever see an unhappy horse? Did you ever see a bird that had the blues? One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses."  Dale Carnegie

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"Learn how to be happy with what you have while you pursue all that you want."  Jim Rohn

3. Your Achievement Tips -

A Good Leader Inspires Followers by Harvey Mackay

Every election year we have a remarkable opportunity to make things better. And those of us who take the time to vote help make some serious decisions in this country. Now stick with me here, I know this isn't an election year, but with all of the political unrest in our country and the world, it gives you pause to stop and think. Right now the word we hear over and over again is leadership - who is better at it; who has the better plans; and who can assemble the masses and try to reach some agreement on how to progress.

Leadership is critical at every level of business as well as government. John Brock, who teaches leadership classes at the University of Oklahoma and Oklahoma State University, shared a list of thirteen principles of leadership he adapted from the United States Military Academy, and I think he's dead on. Can you identify these traits in your management? Could your management team win a re-election if business was structured that way?

1. Know yourself and seek self-improvement.
2. Be technically and tactically proficient.
3. Seek responsibility and take responsibility for your actions.
4. Make sound and timely decisions.
5. Set the example.
6. Know your employees and look out for their well-being.
7. Keep your employees well informed.
8. Develop a sense of responsibility in your subordinates.
9. Insure that the task is understood, supervised and accomplished.
10. Train your employees as a team.
11. Employ your team in accordance with its capabilities.
12. Set your priorities.
13. Take the initiative.

What I like most about this list is its simplicity. It cuts through the doubletalk that so often disguises incompetence. It leaves little room for misinterpretation. You are either following the rules or you're failing as a leader. Case closed. Brock maintains that all great leaders have four common characteristics: bedrock principles, a moral compass, vision and the ability to form a consensus. I couldn't agree more. The minute you compromise your principles, you lose respect. That goes hand-in-hand with the moral compass, I think. Knowing and doing what is correct even when it may be unpopular or perhaps unprofitable requires a strong character. Keep your moral compass pointed straight ahead and you will never have to apologize for your actions. General Robert E. Lee, widely respected for his military and personal leadership, summed it up: "You have only always to do what is right. It will become easier by practice, and you enjoy in the midst of your trials the pleasure of an approving conscience."

Vision is a little harder to acquire. I firmly believe it is an acquired skill. You can train yourself to see what's ahead and determine an appropriate response and plan of action. Consensus building used to be simpler, when competition wasn't as cutthroat and civility ruled. That's not the world we live in now, and the gauntlet has been thrown down. You need only look at the hostile political climate for a prime example of the difficulty in reaching agreement. But this trait, possibly more than the others, is what defines a leader. Dwight Eisenhower, who led our army and the country, advised, "You do not lead by hitting people over the head - that's assault, not leadership."

Through example and information, finding common ground is a very rewarding accomplishment - a win-win situation for all. Consider the story of Christopher Columbus. His crew became discouraged and threatened rebellion as they searched for the New World. They wanted to turn back, citing their voyage a "fool's errand." Columbus was undeterred, but attempted to reach a compromise: If they would be patient and faithful for just three more days, he would agree to abandon the search unless they had discovered land. From history, you know how that story ended. I'm adding one more trait that I find central to leadership, the ability to maintain your perspective. I remember hearing the story of how the Roman emperors handled Roman generals returning victorious from battles. The generals were welcomed in grand parades that featured their soldiers, all the wealth they acquired, and the prisoners they captured. Accompanying the generals in their golden chariots was a slave, who in the midst of the celebrations would whisper in the generals' ear, "Remember, you are a mortal man, all glory is fleeting."

Mackay's Moral: True leadership must exist for the benefit of the followers, not the enrichment of the leaders.


Harvey Mackay is the author of the New York Times #1 bestsellers Swim With The Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive and Beware the Naked Man Who Offers You His Shirt. Both books are among the top 15 inspirational business books of all time, according to the New York Times. To order Harvey's new release, Outsell, Outmanage, Outmotivate & Outnegotiate Your Competition as an Individual Set (contains one DVD and one CD of the speakers' 'live' performance) at a special discount or to view and learn more about The Complete Ultimate Collection for Entrepreneurs and Sales Professionals -- including Jim Rohn, Jeffrey Gitomer, Brian Tracy, Connie Podesta and More! (10 DVD/CD package) go to http://dvdset.yoursuccessstore.com or call 877-929-0439. (c) 2006 All Rights Reserved.

"Happiness is the natural experience of winning your own self-respect as well as the respect of others." Denis Waitley

4. New Release! Stephen Covey - The 8th Habit, John Gray, Jeffrey Gitomer, Jim Rohn, Les Brown, Tom Peters and more!

"The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts…take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature."  Marcus Aurelius

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