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Welcome to Your Achievement Ezine
Issue 259 - May 11, 2006

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The Secret Life by Stephen R. Covey

The secret life is the key to a quality life and that in turn is the key to a quality culture, products, and services. Once in New York City, I attended the Broadway play, The Secret Garden. The play was particularly poignant for me that evening because my mother had just died.

The Tony Award winning musical is the story of a young girl whose mother and father die of cholera in India as the play begins. She is sent to live with her uncle in a large British manor. The old house is filled with romantic spirits. As the restless girl explores the grounds of the estate, she discovers the entrance to the magical secret garden, a place where anything is possible.

When she first enters the garden, she finds that it appears to be dead, much like her cousin, a bedridden boy, and her uncle, still haunted by memories of his lovely wife who died giving birth to the boy. In harmony with natural laws and principles, the girl faithfully plants seeds and brings new life to the garden. As the roots are warmed and the garden cultivated, she brings about a dramatic transformation of her entire culture within one season.

In my many years of teaching and training, I have seen several such transformations brought about by proactive people who exercise principle-centered leadership and the Seven Habits in their secret, private, and public lives.

When I returned home to Salt Lake City the next day to speak at my mother's funeral, I referred to the Secret Garden, because for me and many others, my mother's home was a secret garden where we could escape and be nurtured by positive affirmation. In her eyes, all about us was good, and all that was good was possible.

Our Three Lives
We all live three lives: public, private and secret. In our public lives, we are seen and heard by colleagues, associates, and others within our circle of influence. In our private lives, we interact more intimately with spouses, family members, and close friends. The secret life is where your heart is, where your real motives are the ultimate desires of your life.

Many executives never visit the secret life. Their public and private lives are essentially scripted by who and what precedes and surrounds them or by the pressures of the environment. And so they never exercise that unique endowment of self-awareness the key to the secret life where you can stand apart from yourself and observe your own involvement.

Courage is required to explore our secret life because we must first withdraw from the social mirror, where we are fed positive and negative feedback continuously. As we get used to this social feedback, it becomes a comfort zone. And we may opt to avoid self-examination and idle away our time in a vacuum of reverie and rationalization. In that frame of mind, we have little sense of identity, safety, or security.

Examine Your Motives
The most critical junctures in my life take place when I visit my secret life and ask, "What do I think? What do I believe is right? What should my motives be?" These are times when I choose my motives. One such time occurred when I first heard Dag Hammarskjold say, "It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual, than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses." That statement had such a profound effect on me that I started to say to myself in regard to my relationships with other people, "Wait a minute it's my life. I can choose whether I want to make reconciliation with this person or not. I can choose my own motives."

One of the exciting fruits of the "secret garden" is an ability to consciously choose your own motives. Until you choose your own motives, you really can't choose to live your own life. Everything flows out of motive and motivation that is the root of our deepest desires.

Now, when I get into a frustrating or perplexing situation, I enter into my secret life. That's where I find not only motives but also correct principles; that's where the inner wisdom is. As I learn to be proactive in exploring the secret life, I tap into self-awareness, imagination, conscience, and into the exercise of free will to choose another motive.

People who regularly explore their secret life and examine their motives are better able to see into the hearts of others, practice real empathy, bestow real empowerment and affirm worth and identity.

A healthy secret life will benefit your private and public lives in many ways. For example, when I'm preparing to give a speech, I read aloud a favorite discourse on faith hope and charity because it helps me to purify my motive. I lose all desire to impress. My only desire is to bless. And when I go to a public setting with that motive, I have great confidence and inner peace. I feel more love for the people and feel much more authentic myself.

Executives who attend our leadership training in the mountain setting of Sundance often tell me, "This is the first time in many years that I've done any soul searching. I've seen myself as if for the first time, and I've resolved that my life is going to be different. I'm going to be true to what I really believe." Recently, many people have written me to say, "Your habits and principles have made the difference. I'd never really thought about some of them before, but I resonate with them." That's because these principles are found in people's secret life.

And yet most of us spend our busy days privately doing our thing, never pausing long enough to enter the secret life, the secret garden, where we can create masterpieces, discover great truths and enhance very aspect of our public and private lives.

Having a healthy secret life is the key to having a quality private and public life, as well as a quality culture, product or service.


Dr. Covey is the author of several acclaimed books, including the international bestseller, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It has sold more than 15 million copies in 38 languages throughout the world. His most recent release, The 8th Habit, has also been an instant best-seller. To order Dr. Covey's New Release, "The 8th Habit" as an Individual Set (contains one DVD and one CD of the speakers 'live' performance) at a special offer of only $39, or to view and learn more about The Complete Ultimate Collection for Entrepreneurs and Sales Professionals -- including Jim Rohn, Jeffrey Gitomer, Brian Tracy, John Gray, Connie Podesta, Stephen Covey, Les Brown, Harvey Mackay, Tom Peters and More! (all 10 Sets of DVD/CD packages) scroll down to #4 or go to http://dvdset.yoursuccessstore.com or call 877-929-0439. Copyright 1996, 2005 Covey Leadership Center and FranklinCovey. All rights reserved.


 

"Nothing needs reforming so much as other people's habits." Mark Twain

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2. Your Achievement Quotes

FREEDOM

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." -- The Declaration of Independence

"The arms we have been compelled by our enemies to assume we will, in defiance of every hazard, with unabating firmness and perseverance, employ for the preservation of our liberties being with one mind resolved to die free rather than live slaves." -- Thomas Jefferson

"Whatever the standard of freedom and independence has been or shall be unfurled, there will be America’s heart, her benedictions and her prayers." -- John Quincy Adams

"These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman." -- Thomas Paine
 

SERVICE/CUSTOMER SERVICE

"Whoever renders service to many puts himself in line for greatness -- great wealth, great return, great satisfaction, great reputation, and great joy." -- Jim Rohn

"How friendly are your companies’ first words? Just try this…start all conversations with customers using one of the following words or phrases: 'great!' 'no problem', 'you're in luck', 'that's my favorite problem'." -- Jeffrey Gitomer

"Always give more in service, than you receive in payment, and customers will beat a path to your door." -- Denis Waitley

"Proper business planning demands that you focus on the self-interest of the customer at all times." -- Brian Tracy
 

SKILLS

"Don't wish it was easier, wish you were better. Don't wish for less problems, wish for more skills. Don't wish for less challenges, wish for more wisdom." -- Jim Rohn

"The more you know, the less you need to say." -- Denis Waitley

"Give yourself an even greater challenge than the one you are trying to master and you will develop the powers necessary to overcome the original difficulty." -- William J. Bennett

"You can't solve a problem on the same level that it was created. You have to rise above it to the next level." -- Albert Einstein
 

"You leave old habits behind by starting out with the thought, 'I release the need for this in my life.'"  Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

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"The key to success is for you to make a habit throughout your life of doing the things you fear."  Brian Tracy

3. Your Achievement Tips -

Are You a Sales Leader or a Sales Chaser? by Jeffrey Gitomer

I grew up in Haddonfield, New Jersey. We lived at the corner of the busiest intersection in town. I was 15 years old when we got a puppy named "Thing-a-majig." The cutest, friendliest puppy you ever saw.

One morning, about a week later, I opened the front door to get the paper -- and the puppy got loose. She started running as fast as she could -- right for the traffic.

I started chasing her -- hopelessly for five blocks, across busy streets -- my little dog was gone -- I was panicked (and out of breath). I decided to run back home, and ask my dad to use the car and find the dog.

I ran straight to my parents bedroom. "Dad -- dad," I panted, "The -- dog's -- run -- away -- car -- chase -- it!"

"OK son," he said," "Let's jump in the car and find your puppy."

I turned to run out the door -- and I tripped over the dog. As soon as I started to run the other way, the dog chased me!

Chasing your prospect too hard? Try running the other way -- let the prospect chase you. It's the best follow up technique I've ever experienced.

Here's three ways to get them to follow you...

1. Create a sense of urgency by telling a compelling story. A story about achievement lost because of delay. Hint at a solution. Let them think about it.

2. Give just a little information (one potato chip) about how they benefit. Things the prospect can put into his life that he's currently without. Ask them to take some action to get the reward or answer.

3. Give information about their "why" -- or what you believe to be their hottest reason for purchasing. Offer a solution. Something better than they have now. Something that makes them slightly uncomfortable about their present situation - that makes you look like a blessing.

WARNING SIGNAL: If prospects are not returning your call -- whose fault is that? You're chasing too hard. They're running away. You couldn't get their interest -- you couldn't get them to chase you.

Other tell-tale symptoms that the chase is going the wrong way:

• You've followed up a few times, and now you're searching for a reason to call them -- but you can't think of one.

• You're uncomfortable about calling. You are unprepared, or you have not established the needs of the prospect and are unsure of their status, or you don't have much rapport with the prospect, or some of each.

• The prospect is giving you a bunch of lame excuses. And worse than that, is you accepting them.

If chasing people too hard makes them run away, why are you continuing to do it? The way I got my puppy-dog to come home was -- I led the dog home.

Your challenge is to lead your prospects so they will follow you -- and turn into customers.


Jeffrey Gitomer is the author of The Sales Bible, Knock Your Socks off Selling and Customer Satisfaction is Worthless Customer Loyalty is Priceless. To order Jeffrey Gitomer's new release, "How Not to Suck at Sales", as an Individual Set (contains one DVD and one CD of the speakers' 'live' performance) at a special discount of only $39, or to view and learn more about The Complete Ultimate Collection for Entrepreneurs and Sales Professionals -- including Jim Rohn, Jeffrey Gitomer, Brian Tracy, Connie Podesta and More! (10 DVD/CD package) go to http://dvdset.yoursuccessstore.com or call 877-929-0439. (c) 1999, 2005 All Rights Reserved - Don't even think about reproducing this document without written permission from Jeffrey H. Gitomer and Buy Gitomer 704/333-1112.

"Good habits are as addictive as bad habits, and a lot more rewarding." Harvey Mackay

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"Neglect starts out as an infection then becomes a disease."  Jim Rohn

5. More Information

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